Gender-based violence continues to affect thousands of families across the country, leaving behind pain, unanswered questions, and broken homes.
Three Free State families are not only dealing with the deaths of their daughters due to femicide, but also the pain of losing their family matriarchs due to heartache.
A deep impact that gender-based violence has on families, not just in the moment, but in the months and years that follow.
“When our daughters die, we die with them.” A strong message that is not just a slogan for three Free State families, but a reality.
These families have seen the terrible impact that GBV has in the aftermath, after three mothers died not from violence, but from grief and heartbreak.
Following the murders of their children, the Tumahole family in Welkom, buried their daughter and mother only nine months apart.
The brutal killing of matric learner, Thato Tumahole, whose charred remains were discovered in a mine shaft, took place in May 2024.
Her mother Pulane Tumahole died in February this year.
Mamsie Tsunke, Thato’s grandmother, says only ashes of her grandchild remained.
“The thing that finished my child is that all that remained of Thato were ashes, and when Pulane found her remains of her skull, she was removing worms with her own hands from the nose, saying this is my baby asking how much this boy hated my child that he would burn her body to ashes, such a big girl.
Thato was big, she was not thin, but only ashes remained. We buried only ashes and skull. And he only gets three years.”
For Thato’s older sister Lerato Tumahole, the devastation is endless. She says there is not enough comfort for her.
Each time she walks inside the house, the emptiness is a reminder of how she lost her sister and the heartache that took her mother.
Lerato Tumahole says, It’s not easy losing the two people I thought I’d always have. “Anger, sadness, it’s a lot. There’s no happiness there. I’m always crying, I’m even holding my tears now, it’s a lot.
“It’s not easy losing those two people that you thought when growing up, they are always going to be there when you graduate, when you become a mom, when you get old, they are going to be there. But now you are alone, it’s not nice.”
Losing a daughter and a mother
Another family that dealt with the double blow of losing a daughter and mother is Bloemfontein teacher Mpho Moalusi’s family.
Moalusi, who was a high school teacher, was allegedly killed by her boyfriend, who ran her over with a car multiple times. Her mother Tshidi Mokhele had a heart attack a few weeks after her daughter’s death and died.
Rethabile Mathafeng, Moalusi’s younger sister, recalls her mother’s sudden struggle after hospital discharge.
“In my mom’s case, she was struggling a lot; she went in and out of hospital. Her blood pressure was so high that the doctor couldn’t do anything. A day after she came out of discharge in the morning, she called and said I slept like a kid, but I did sleep well. After a few minutes, I got a call that my mom is struggling to breathe.”
She adds that GBV has robbed her of her family, and she is pleading for justice.
“We would like for the President to intervene and help us on this. When the murderers kill and rapists Rape, don’t give them bail, please don’t give them the free attorney legal aid, because we feel that they have more rights than us.”
As if losing her Granddaughter, Machaka Radebe, to murder in December 2023 was not enough, the 84-year-old still buried her own daughter in June this year.
The pain runs even deeper because there’s still no trace of the 16-year-old’s killers.
Charges were dropped against the man who was arrested after he was found in possession of her cell phone.
Motsilisi Ramolahlehi Radebe’s grandmother says the Pain deepens as killers remain unknown.
“This thing has hurt me so much that I don’t even know how to describe the pain that I felt. It surpasses the pain I felt when her mother passed on, because they took her life unexpectedly. Until now, we do not know who her killers are; it is just silent.”
Selloane, Radebe’s friend, describes the struggles that the teenager’s mom endured after her daughter was killed.
Radebe’s mother collapsed in June while attending a funeral service.
The 18 months after her daughter died felt like a lifetime.
“She was really broken, lost hope because we were hoping to find out exactly what happened. When the charges were dropped, especially when the person was having the child’s phone. Everything was pointing to that person, but only to find that the law says the DNA, and we felt that person was not arrested for DNA; he was arrested for the phone.”
Buang Basadi, an organisation that advocates for women, has also called for stiffer sentences for perpetrators of GBV and femicide.
Buang Basadi founder, Thoko Nogabe says, “As Buang Basadi, we are devastated at seeing mothers perish like this. We see mothers struggle to cope with the killing of their children, especially where there are no arrests made. We are truly devastated.”
Nogabe says gender-based violence is not just their tragedy. It’s a national wound that requires real intervention.
